If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
