Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize