idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
