its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
