i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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