she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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