You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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