in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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