no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize