Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
