My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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