Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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