Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think a kid would responsible me up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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