my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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