does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
pray to the hookup gods
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
