Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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