I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
