last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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