This is not my ceiling
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
