I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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