Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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