i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can't special order awesome
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
