omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
