the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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