I didn't shave. On purpose
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
