My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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