I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
