I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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