two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
