i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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