A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
