Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think my moral compass just broke
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
