I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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