he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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