I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
