david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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