she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
