already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
