if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
