remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
