Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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