i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize