Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
