I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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