I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
