Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
