do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
