Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
