If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
