how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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