I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
