I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize