Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Randomize
