There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
