You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
