I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
