yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
