So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
