I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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