As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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