hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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