I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
