Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
