I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
