the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
