Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
