So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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